519th entry ~ My dreams of Mr. B.
8:41 pm
I just got done reading two incredibly intense hours of pages in my book. Of course I skimmed a few chapters because it was boring, but then it came to the good stuff...boy did I read! haha
it's wednesday...boring. the load of laundry I started this morning is still in the dryer. I should probably get that out. haha I try and be nice and do a load of laundry and then I forget about it. Of course when I've got an amazing book in front of me to read, it's easy to forget about some measily laundry. Then I had to write out more thank you cards and of course I had to watch both of my soaps. yes, I've gone back to watching Days. I've got nothing better to do! haha I just found out today that Jennifer and Franky are engaged. I didn't know that! I skipped a month and a half, but I really haven't missed anything.
Mr. B wrote me, like he has been. I asked him a tough question the other day. I asked him if he thinks about me, or 'fantasizes'. I told him I do about him, but I didn't tell him what about. And I won't say in here either. My private thoughts! lol He did respond, and I'm surprised actually, but he said he does think about me all the time. He thinks about going on long trips together, seeing things together, doing things together. He said it would be more enjoyable to do that stuff with someone else. Awww....I need to keep him around. From that response though I said I could see a future with him when he returns. Maybe that's how I should've worded it....haha
He's been saying the past few emails how much he misses talking to me. I keep thinking 'Dude, you talk to me everyday...!' I know, it's not the same. Well if I have to wait six months he can wait six months. And we're done with month one...five more to go! All I can think about is him returning home. That's all I want more than anything. I don't care about college...I want him to return home. Honestly, it sounds like love. haha I'm thinking of writing him a letter for his package and I'm honestly thinking about writing those three little words in that letter somewhere. I dont know what he'll say or what he'll do, but I don't think he'll turn away from it. Or I could tell him that and then try and word it like I love him like a friend. haha That might confuse him because I swear to God he doesn't read well. hahahah
Last night I slept like shit because he was the only thing I could think about. I started texting clayton because I wanted something to do. Well while waiting for him to reply I got out my mp3 player and started listening to music. Started falling asleep when he text me telling me he was going to call. I woke up this morning after nine, turned on my phone and he had text me back at 12:10 saying he'd just tried to call and either I was asleep or I was busy. I was asleep...
I wonder if when Mr. B returns if I'll have nights like that anymore. If he comes back to WI will he call me late and stay up with me late? Will he come down during the weekends or could I go up there? I'd most certainly get lost, but after the first time it shouldn't be too hard right? hahah But what if he stays in Florida like I think he will? He's still got classes he wants to take. So what then? A phone call every day? Every weekend? I'll be working on the weekends. Something to give thought to when he returns home I guess.
The most common reoccuring thought I have is laying in a bed currled up with him. He's got his arms around me and we're just laying close with each other. We're not doing anything, we're just cuddling I guess. I want to feel his embrace, I want to feel his warmth. I want to feel him hold me, I want to feel safe in his arms. Is that so wrong? I just want him home. That's all there is to that.
Well it's nine o'clock and I want to so something other than stay on the computer all night. haha Not like I've done that at all today. RIGHT!
Oo...I just thought of something. Gotta run!
Amanda