542nd entry ~ Aaaaand the magic is gone.
10:17 pm
Wow, what a crazy ass weekend it has been. Not only because of my first weekend working again, but because of what's been happing to Mr. B and me. More on that later.
So Friday after class I grabbed a sub and came back to my room to watch most of the soap. I had things mostly packed before I went to my second class, so I could have just packed up and left. But I didn't. I took my time Friday. I guess I was hoping to see Julie before I left, to find out how the funeral went. Well I haven't seen her since 2:00 Thursday afternoon. She's still not back and it's after 10:00 Sunday night. What room mate?? haha, you're funny!! So I got on the road shortly before one and when I got back to Janesville I made a stop to visit mom before I went home. Stayed there for about an hour. We just talked, nothing new. Went home, sat on the computer for a bit, took a walk around the house with the dog. He was very happy to see me. haha Went to work and had a blast. Honestly, I was so happy to be there. I got to meet the new girl. She's nice, but I can tell she's new. She's only been there a week. But it was very nice to get back to work. Slept great that night.
Saturday morning I got up and finished the nasty email to Mr. B and sent it on it's way. Again, more on that later. Mom and I went out shopping to WalMart and bought a ton of snacks and I got some new pajamas. I went to work at 3 and got assigned a ton of projects that carried over into Sunday. It was work, and I was glad to be there again. Sunday, today, I worked open to close and wasn't at all thrilled with it in the end. I worked my ass off today and I knew I had to get back to school. The closing annoucement was made at six pm like it always is and we didn't get out of there until about 6:30 because of customers. Damn people. Flew home, ate in a hurry and was out the door by seven. Got back here shortly before eight and unloaded the car in two trips and found out my room mate is still not back. She'll probably be back tomorrow afternoon when she's got class. Must be nice having very few classes. She's taking 15 credits vs my 17, but one of my classes is New Student Seminar. It's a nothing class. So I'm back at school, frustrated as hell, wanting to strangle someone, but I'm here. I finished up my math homework, think I'm ready for the test but I'm not sure. We can't use a calculator so I know I'm going to go blank on stuff. It's so unfair.
Okay, onto the important story.
We went from sweet to rude. Not so much him, but he hasn't been saying the right things. We carried on the sweetness of that last email for a few days, but then I decided to tell him what happened last Saturday and things went downhill. I'm not going to type it up because I know what happened and that's all that matters. I was in no danger, but I think some disagree. Well I told him the story and he responded with a protective and worried email. Well I took it the wrong way, like I always do, and accused him of treating me like a child. I told him he needed to trust me and that I wasn't a child anymore and that I didn't want to be treated like one. I wrote him a three page email, in three parts, and he didn't respond to it. He wrote me Saturday afternoon saying he would respond more when he could think of something to say. Today he wrote me and said nothing of it. So now I'm really pissed. But we'll talk about that later.
I'm seriously two seconds away from saying "Screw this, I can't do it anymore." He said it perfectly in Saturday's email. Six months of nothing but emails is tearing us appart. He's very right. As much as I want to see him again, as much as I want to spend time with him, I know that when I do it's going to end eventually when he's got to leave. Why do I want to do this?? I'm not going to break up with him now, that would be way to hard on him. But I just don't see this working out in the end. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't know anymore.
I need to go to bed. Good night.
Amanda