554th entry ~ Yeah, no they're not.
10:59 pm
So just when I think things are going great again, everything goes downhill. I had nothing to do with it this time. He just up and sent me an email saying he didn't want to talk to me again. Okay then.... I guess I'll tell the complete story.
Thursday we were talking a bit, then he left at five and I said good bye to him for the weekend. I thought everything was good. Thursday night I wrote him an email telling him 35 random things about me. I sent it to him, but I don't know if he ever read that. Friday I leave to go home, Saturday afternoon I write him an email telling him how my weekends been going. Just trying to be nice. Saturday night I come home from work and I find this email from him. I thought 'goodie, he's written me back about his weekend.' I was excited. I read it and the excitment leaves the door right away. No, he did not write to tell me how his weekend had gone, he wrote me to tell me to stop talking to him and I was being annoying. I was absolutly dumb founded by this. Totally unexpected. I went to bed crabby, woke up Sunday crabby, went to work crabby and then came back to school. I got online and wrote him an email back Sunday night. I just told him "thank you for being honest with me. thank you for telling me you hate me and wish to never speak to me again." I meant no sarcasim with him, I was being serious. I got up this morning to see if he'd read the email and I found out he has deleted me from his friends list and has put his profile on private. I don't know what the fuck I've done but that seriously hurt my feelings. I was bawling and I was so upset I called mom telling her I was going to drop out of college.
She of course puts me on hold. haha
We talk for awhile and she doesn't make me feel stupid like she normally does. We just talk and it was nice. I go wash my face and Julie finds out what's up. We talk for a bit and then she leaves to study. I told Dawn I wanted to talk so she comes over after Julie leaves to chat. She's surprised to hear what I have to say about Ryan. We talk and I'm going to get more involved with school. I need to. Somethings got to change. So tomorrow is going to be rough, but I'll just leave the door closed most of the day. I've got to do something.
Going to bed now. Talk more later maybe.
Amanda