585th entry ~ The eyes that spy
1:12 pm
Yeah for it being my least favorite day of the week! It is starting out just as that however. The worst.
The boy and I have not been talking for roughly 24 hours now. This started out as his doing, then today I made it my doing. He would not tell me what was bothering him yesterday so I slammed the door and went to the mall. Retail therapy sometimes helps, and yesterday it did. Of course then I had to come home and make dinner, but I ate while watching TV by myself so it kind of evened out. Yesterday he had no reason to be upset or frustrated with me, as far as I could tell. I had done nothing wrong so I figured it was just something else that was bothering him. I confronted him a couple times and one excuse I got was he had a headache. I knew immediately this was nothing more than bullshit, so that’s when I left.
It had occasionally gone through my head that maybe he had found my diary and read that past entry. Then it dawned on me though that I wouldn’t care if he did because it would be his own fault for being nosy and running across it. If he knew me the way he thinks he knows me, he knows I vent my feelings and frustration through writing. Guess he doesn’t know me as well as he’d like to think he does.
Fast forward to this morning and the no talking rule is still being followed. It switched over to me doing so after he started asking me questions. If he can ignore me yesterday when it was simply stupid, then I can ignore him now when he wants to know what’s wrong with me. The last thing he said before he walked out the door was “At least I never broke you heart.” I was thinking it would’ve been easier had he done so. Then I’d have a real solid reason why it wasn’t going to work out. Then I got thinking. I’m not sure if I’ve ever 100% loved him as the opposite sex. Yes I love him as a friend, but I’m not sure those feelings have ever grown bigger than that. It’s complicated. Shortly after he left though I sent him a text message basically saying payback is a bitch. Couple of responses later I find out yes indeed, he has read my diary. I guess I should be worried except it’s his own fault that he was nosy. I’m not going to lock this because of him. I’ve done that in the past with the other boyfriend and I’m not doing it anymore. I guess if he can’t handle the truth, oh well.
In other news, I got some of my Christmas shopping started already. This year is going to be really tough without a job. I completely expect to not have a job before the holidays. There just isn’t anything worth while out there. I know I’m going to take a huge pay cut whenever I get a new job, but I have a limit of what I need to live on. So yes I’m being picky but can you blame me?
Well I’m out of things to vent about. May be back later if a war breaks out.
Amanda