588th entry ~ A new hope from the past.
11:28 pm
Welcome another Sunday evening. I sit here at my computer, half an hour to go before the clock ticks Monday, and I have this urge to write. Want to guess why? I’ll give you three guesses, one of which you may be right. Give up? Okay, I’ll tell you.
Once again the idea of Mr. B has caused me havoc. I can easily brush aside any emotional change I may have when I think of him, which is rarely, but pictures are different. Pictures shove in my face the reality of how much life sucks. Especially when those pictures are of him with another girl. A girl that I do not find very flattering at all, but I guess looks don’t account for everything. I think the big reason he’s with her is because she’s a farm girl. I suppose some guys don’t demand too much other than one thing in common? But then as if finding this information was calling my name, I stumble upon her age. If some of you don’t know, I am now 21 as of October and I think age in a relationship plays a fairly large part to how successful it is. I have always dated older guys, and maybe this is my problem? I prefer the guy to be older because generally older guys are more mature. So when I stumbled upon this girls age being 19 I nearly choked. She’s still a kid! Granted, we were dating when I was 19, but at the time he was 23. He’s now 25 and he’s dating someone younger than me! I guess this shouldn’t really bother me, except everything in this world bothers me, and this one in particular will.
I felt I needed to rant this one out for a bit. I needed to get this out of my system so I could move forward with my life. As if it were that easy.
The boy and I actually spent some time together yesterday. Of course I spent much of the day yesterday away from here which was a much needed break. I went back home for a few hours to look at the possibility of getting a third bunny if it’d get along with one of mine. It of course did not, so I walked away no harm done. I got to spend time with my mom though which was nice. I came back to Franklin and we went to the mall so I could get some Christmas shopping started and done. This weekend would be the best time to do shopping outside of electronics or the huge things the box stores are going to promote. I of course am on a very tight budget so I’m watching my pennies closely. I just need a few more things and some wrapping paper and I’m set! Yeah!
Our time together yesterday was actually quite nice considering what the past few weeks have been like. I hope we’re on a road of semi decency, but that could change in an instant with me. Yes I fully admit our hardships are entirely fault, but he does not help in any way! Hopefully we have a good couple days or weeks ahead of us.
In recent weeks I’ve been talking to one of my old middle school crushes on Facebook. It’s amazing how that site will put you in contact with people! Actually we’ve been friends on there for awhile, but it wasn’t until recently that he contacted me out of the blue. Quite surprised me really when he did contact me because most of high school we didn’t even look at each other let alone talk. It’s been a nice change of pace, talking to an old friend. We talk about our failed relationships and what we’re both looking for. Some things haven’t changed. He’s very easy to talk to. I got in trouble back in middle school for talking to him through out English. First time and only time in my schooling that I’ve gotten moved for talking!! Probably explains why my high school career I rarely talked!
The clock has moved past the start of Monday and I am still online talking to this guy. Makes me laugh actually. Maybe a good friendship will develop out of this. We’ll see what the future holds.
Amanda