599th entry ~ Life is sad.
3:58 pm
Right now I have this incredibly huge feeling like I have been forgotten by the world. I have been forgotten by my very few friends that I do have which makes the feeling that much more intense. Why do I have this feeling? I’m not sure. I go through mood swings like every female does. Today for whatever reason my senses are much more intense.
It could also be the fact that my friend has her status on Facebook with a summery like “I get to see the people I miss the most in two days”. Those people are not me. I have not seen her since before Christmas. We did talk a lot over Christmas break, but not much in the past few days. She’s been full of drama lately and I’ve tried to remove myself from it, but I guess by removing myself, I also remove myself from the relationship. I honestly believe my life is fucked up because I am no longer in college. If I were back in college right now things would be so much different. I may be way more happy than I presently am, I may not be as stressed as I am all the time and I for sure would not have acne on my terrible face. Yes, this still bothers me. I took a picture of my boyfriend and I last night, first one in over a year, and I had to go through and edit it so bad because my face looks terrible; and I had make up on!
Why is life so cruel sometimes? Why is it that some people get to be happy their entire lives but others take a backseat to everything? I feel like I am the backseat girl. I am the one who is always there for everyone when needed, but when I need someone nobody is around. Where does everyone go? I don’t have many friends to begin with, so I think that’s my biggest problem. Maybe this is just how my life was meant to be lived. Lonely and depressed and the only person outside of my family I am supposed to have human interaction with is my boyfriend. Possibly?
My mom is down in Florida this week so I have nobody to talk to during the day. The boy has classes in the afternoon, so he’s usually gone which gives me a good hour or two by myself. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but it really can be.
Oddly enough and I know I say this doesn’t bother me because it doesn’t, but it’s still in the back of my mind. The whole incident with the ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Yesterday I got sick of knowing she was still getting into my Myspace profile, so I blocked her. I wrote a blog about what your display picture can say about you and your relationship, and magically his picture has now changed to him and her. I say magically because he hasn’t been logged in since January 13th, so it’s quite strange that he would change it after that blog appears. She has always blocked me and then unblocked me once she realizes I have written something about her, which I write because I know she reads. I’m not stupid. I also know though his Facebook picture has not changed to him and her like it was at one point, now its just of him and the dog. I believe she has control of his accounts now though because things don’t make sense, unless he’s changed that dramatically. I also found out from his mother yesterday that he hasn’t been in contact with his family in over six months. Quite amazing since him and this chick have been dating for that long too.
I’m not sure why this bothers me so much, but I think it’s because I hate to see a family that was so close be destroyed by a conniving bitch. I sent him an email but I have no hope that he’ll even read it, but at least I tried. I just told him to tell her to get off my back and that I’ve blocked her anyway so she may as well stop wasting her time. Who does that anyway? What is the need to keep checking into the ex girlfriends profile? I find it hard to believe he’d be doing it since he hasn’t had contact with me in years. He’s made no attempt, so I doubt it would be him checking in. Eh whatever, I’m done with it. She’s blocked; she can’t do anything about it now. For that matter, I can’t do anything to solve his issues either. I guess if he wants to trash his life and marry a bitch, so be it. It’s his life not mine. I guess I’m glad now I’m no longer with him. Though I do bet if I still were, he wouldn’t be in this mess that he presently is.
In other news, we went to see an apartment on Sunday and Monday. Both places are very nice, but one is a little out of reach on the price side. That’s ultimately what we need to use to decide. I really don’t want to spend another year here, but if we have to I guess that’s what has to be done. So here’s hoping things get figured out soon. Our lease is up in May so we’ll be moving in June. Oh goodie.
Right, well I’m going to go read. I’m getting ‘somewhere’ in Eclipse so I best get back to it. I watched the Twilight movie too this weekend and watched it again yesterday and am very pleased with it. I’m surprised because I heard such bad reviews about it, but I thought it was quite nice. Yes there were cheesy parts, but what else do you expect when you are dealing with a fantasy book?
Amanda