600th entry ~ Reflecting on 600 entries
11:35 pm
Hurray for my 600th entry in this diary. It’s taken me a long time to get this far, but it also helps when you take over a year off to ignore it! My goal is to reflect on my life in the past 600 entries, but I’m not going to promise anything.
I remember when I first started this diary that I had no hopes of it going far. I started it because a friend had suggested Diaryland to me as a place to vent, but a place to make friends. I have used it to vent, but haven’t really made any friends. My friend no longer uses this site, and I’m not sure I could even call her a friend anymore. I remember in the early days I used to take my Yearbook class time to write an entry, and then panic when the darn thing wouldn’t publish because the internet was slow as hell. Those were also the days before my numbering system came along as well as my time system. I note the times, in case anyone wonders, so I know how long it takes me to write the entry and to get creative with my thoughts. Sometimes it’s a half hour, other times a few hours. Just depends on what I’m writing about.
As time evolved in this diary, things began to notably change. As my profile states, I started this diary back in 2003 (and apparently I only have 597 entries?) and the year is now 2009. Hard to believe this thing has been around for almost 6 years. I went from being a high school student, to graduating and attending a four year college where I dropped out and began working full time. I moved from my home town to a far away land living a suburb life style. My parents divorced, my brother graduated high school and went on to attend one semester at a two year university before he dropped out. I still have yet to meet my far away friend who lives in Scotland. I went through three boyfriends; one this diary mostly talks about, to one that I am now living with. The middle one was never mentioned in here. I have had my all time highs to my all time lows of emotions. I have had my heart shattered and learned to never trust again, but then opened my eyes again to the possibility of hope. I have learned life goes on even as cruel as it may be at times. Friendships have come and gone, but those that matter stick around the longest.
A few things however have not changed over the years. I am still the same person I was six years ago, only slightly wiser to what the world holds. I am still the same person deep down inside. The person who hopes too much and dreams too high to find out that let down is on the other side. I still have a goal to one day graduate from college and make something of myself. I want to further myself in life than my parents have done for themselves, but I also want to make them proud of me. I am still the same giggly girl I was when times were much different. I still put other people’s needs ahead of mine, too often I might add. I am still easy to manipulate which I am not proud of. I think above anything else though, I am still true to myself, much more now than six years ago. I have taken selfishness to a new high.
My hope for this diary is that it will retain another 600 entries, another 600 stories of my hopes and dreams, but in the end, I hope it will continue to add to the story of me. The story of who this girl is on the other side of the computer screen. The girl that now has turned into a grown, 21 year old woman. A girl who is just trying to find her way in this busy and difficult world we live in, a girl who is trying to fit into this confusing society and figure out how to leave her own footprint on the world. A girl, who in the end, just takes it one day at a time.
To 600 more entries.
Amanda
PS: Happy Friday the 13th!