608th entry ~ Silence is a killer.
9:32 pm
I need to update. I need to vent. I have nobody else to talk to but a stupid online diary. How sad.
It's been at least two weeks since I've had a proper conversation with my mother. I have no idea what her deal is or why she's not talking to me. I suspect it has something to do with my brother.
My brother got arrested a week ago for employee embezzlement from WalMart. Very stupid of him. I'm not going to go into great detail, because as my father so kindly pointed out to me, it's none of the worlds business. He has done no jail time and probably never will. The day I found out, I was the last to know in the family. My aunt who nobody in my immediate family talks to, found out before I did. This is what I get for living so far away from home.
Mom has said, according to father, that she will get a lawyer involved if she has to. The night of, we talked for a bit on chat and she told me this is a cry out for help. I don't believe it. She at one time asked why I was never there for my brother anymore. I told her he has my number, he can call me anytime and I never knew he needed anything. My phone has never rung with his number showing up on my caller ID. She told me we abandoned him with father and that he really needs us right now.
My thoughts: He's 18 years old. He knew full well what he was doing was a crime. I hope he does jail time, but I know he won't. I do hope though he gets a very sever punishment besides not being able to find a job for a good chunk of time to come.
I cannot believe what she said to me. She basically called me a bad sister. She called my father while she was on her lunch break and bitched him out too, saying he was a bad father. I'm not going to defend her there, but he never caused this. This was my brother's own doing, and he needs to take responsibility for what he has done.
This may be why I have not heard from my mother lately. Because I voiced my opinion against my brother. She went out and bought a new car and I have yet to hear anything about it. Normally someone who buys a new car wants to spread the news. I don't even know what color it is.
A few days after this I get an email response from my father. Included in this was a not polite comment about something I hadn't told him. I didn't tell him that my grandfather (mom's dad) went in for triple bypass surgery in April. Didn't think he cared because he's no longer connected to that side of the family. Apparently he does, because in this response he said "Thanks for telling me." When did I become the messenger??
My family is once again putting me in the middle of shit and I am done with it. I have taken it upon myself now to not talking them, but they have certainly done a good job not calling me either. My dad and I were talking about every other day now since the surgery, but after that email, I haven't said much to him. I told him Happy Father's Day through an email and got a half ass'd response back. So he must be mad too for whatever reason.
If I haven't meant it before, I mean it now. I hate my family. They are the most fucked up people on the face of this earth. Why do you put a child in between their parents?? No logical reason I can come up with other than they are being stupid. I dealt with it through the divorce, now I'm having to deal with it again. I'm not going to do this time.
I am done. No more.
I have my own life over here which they have never been apart of for whatever reason. The very few times I have asked my mother to come out and see me, she hasn't. She ditched helping me move to help her friend out with a rummage sale. One of my bunnies was real sick and she only cared for one day. She hasn't checked up on her since. She knows how important my bunnies are to me, so her not checking up or calling me period means something is up. I don't care though. If they ever do call in the near future, I am not picking up the phone. Fuck them.
I do need to ask dad if he can watch the bunnies though when Brian and I go away to Michigan. Ugh.
I don't think I have done anything wrong, I don't think I've done anything to deserve the shit I have been dealt. I have known since I was little that I was the rock in the family, but now I am sick of it. I do not wish to be the rock anymore. We are all split up, it's time we all stand on our own two feet. I have been doing so and yet somehow I'm still getting dragged back to the nest. I'm fed up.
And I have nobody to vent to about anything except the boy. It's amazing how something so stressful and intense can bring two people closer together than before.
I must end this rant. Good night.
Amanda